Where I Go From Here: A lesson in listening to the voice of God

I must admit that I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to the inner workings of my life. I want to know what comes next, I need to have a plan. I am okay with the need for change in day to day life, however, major alterations to my master plan tend to through me off completely. As I grow older, I realize how problematic this is, simply because it is completely out of order.

As a woman of Faith, I know that my steps should be ordered by the Lord. I was always meant to seek his guidance before launching out into the deep. Perhaps if I actually followed that path, I would not find myself so frustrated when I am without all the answers.

Where Has All the Conversation Gone?

I miss the art of conversation.   The world is so fast paced that we don't talk to each other anymore.  I lay in bed most nights wondering if I'll ever have a real conversation again.  Not self-serving banter but one where myself & another individual really listen to one another.  Not because we are trying to see how much we can benefit from the other but simply because we both care.  I can't remember the last time that happened & it saddens me.  I want a connection outside of myself but it seems to be an impossible thing to ask.   So I am in this space, expressing myself to the void, in hopes that there is someone out there who feels the same.  Maybe then we can start a revolution to revive the art of conversation & actually begin to feel again.

Selfish

I need to take a moment to express myself.  Whether anybody ever reads this or it is forever hidden in the neglected pages of this blog.  I have reached a place of deep dissatisfaction. Lost between the realization of my destiny and the death of my dreams.  I don't know what is next because I have so much to say but there is no one to listen,  Everyday I understand myself a little more as those around me understand me a little less.  Can they see me, can they hear me, can they see me.  I feel as though I am alone in this place and I need to understand why.  I know that there is a reason for all of this yet I am so tired of waiting for the answers.  I am ready to walk away from it all and just start over but I know that this is not the answer.

All I desire is for someone to care about something other than themselves.  There is death, war, abuse, poverty, hate, racism, injustice, and displacement, plaguing this world and everybody is so wrapped up in themselves.  I am frustrated because everyone is too worried about themselves to care about what is happening to those around them.  This is the direction of this land that we call America and it is the reason why we are experiencing decline.  Yet because I will not effect your bottom line and you have enough to think about, you will never read these words, never think about how this knowledge hurts me, never care to be a part of the change that has to happen or we will all be lost.

Mental Awakening

I am experiencing a mental awaking.  It comes on the heels of very life altering events, of which I am not yet able to speak of.  Life is a strange wind that tosses us around as it pleases.  I was in need of a change, ready to move from the stagnation that had controlled my existence for far too long.  These events managed to get me back on track, renewing a focus in me that I had long forgotten.  That is what is intended in the midst of a storm, the generation of change.  I am thankful for this fresh wind and I look forward to the newness that is sure to follow.  I am almost through this and I am full of words, full of love, and full of inspiration.  There is a mental awaking occurring and I desire to share it with the world.

Awakening (2012)

I closed my eyes on yesterday,
And awoke to a clear view of tomorrow.
I feel revived as I embrace this moment,
Leaving behind all the pain and sorrow.

This mental awakening in me,
Makes me press forward with all my might.
Yet my past just won't allow me to be free,
I must readjust my sight

I am an eagle flying high,
Not even the sky is my limit.
I live a life that requires more to succeed.
My life has such complexity in it.

They may not understand my mind,
But I'll share it just the same.
When they leave they will understand,
Exactly why they came.

Transformation

I am changing daily and it is a beautiful feeling.  So ready to share my passion for love and life.  This is my platform for distinction and reflection.  There are those that don't understand, those who feel that the need for expression is futile.  I know that there is beauty in sharing my world with those who care to listen.  I wonder how many of my thoughts touch the hearts of others?  How much of my mental release impacts those who are interested in the content of my soul.  I feel transformation on the horizon and I know that it is all for the better.  Look out for the greatness that is just around the next corner.  There is poetry in the air and in conjunction with the melody in my heart, I'm on the verge of dancing.  Are you ready?

Rememberance

Today is a day that lives under the shadow of the past.  So much loss and the unsettling reminder that we are not invicible.  I feel for those who lost family, friends, and associates on that dreadful day in 2011.  I am also thankful that those of us that lived through this event were able to survive.  Everyday we should remember that there were heroic people that help to prevent the full extent of the devastation that was intended.  The soliders that fight daily for freedom, the firefighters, and the police officers that sacrificed so that America could pull through this tragedy.  September 11, 2001 will forever hold a dark place in our past, yet we must continue to move forward with the hope of a bright future.  Pain and suffering brought America together in those hours after 9-11.  We must hold on to that unity in a daily initiative to become stronger than ever.

Revival

I had lost my inspiration some time ago. Lost it to the reality of a world void of imagination and passion. I once used words as my weapons but I have become defenseless against the weight of the world. I am a woman, unarmed and vulnerable to the terrors that surround a gentle heart and an optimistic spirit. I desire to be free from this prison that holds me. To spread my wings and fly off into the distance. To go far from this place. These are cruel glass walls that allow me to see my salvation yet prevent me from grasping it. I must find a way to break these walls down, to find solace in a place without restrictions. I see this space as a means of escape.  The ability to discuss the issues that plague my mind.  The emotions and discussion that appears here is meant to provide mental stimulation in the midst of ignorance and chaos.  The symphony that plays in my mind is one with depth, complicated and colorful.  Welcome inside my Mental Mosaic, I look forward to the journey.